The History of the Universe in 200 Words or Less Graduation Speech

Quantum fluctuation. Inflation. Expansion. BIG BANG! Dark energy. Dark matter. Ordinary matter. Quarks. Strong nuclear interaction. Particle-antiparticle annihilation. Hydrogen and helium production. Density perturbations. Recombination. Blackbody radiation. Local contraction. Galaxy formation. Contraction. Compression. Hydrogen fusion. Massive star formation. Element formation. Core contraction and implosion. Supernova explosion. Element recycling. Cloud formation. Star formation. Sun formation. Planet formation. Earth. Crust solidification. Comet bombardment. Water condensation. Oceans. Organic chemistry. Polymerization. RNA. Protein. Life. Prokaryotes. Eukaryotes. Photosynthesis. Mutation. Natural selection. Evolution. Cell differentiation. Sexual reproduction. Fossilization. Land exploration! Pre-Cambrian explosion. Dinosaur extinction. Mammal expansion. Glaciers. Homo Sapiens manifestation! Animal domestication. Food surplus production. Language. Civilization. Writing. Innovation. Religion. Warring nations. Empire creation and destruction. Newton and gravitation. Industrial revolution. Exploration. Colonization. Taxation without representation. Revolution. Constitution! Election. Westward expansion. Industrialization. Rebellion. Emancipation proclamation. Invention. Mass production. Urbanization. Immigration. World war. Fission explosions. United Nations. Space exploration. Assassinations. Lunar excursions. Resignation. Computerization. 112 Births. Education reformation. World Trade Organization. Terrorism. Internet expansion. World-Wide Web creation. Stock market inflation. Elementary education. D’Evelynation. Liberal arts education. Work. Friendship. Labor. Athletics. Toil. Academics. Homework. Finals. Anticipation. Graduation!